I've been writing and re writing this post since September 2020In the beginning of the pandemic with the future being uncertain I found myself hyperfocused on trying to find work that would not require me to go into an office. At the close of 2019 I decided that I wanted to transition from operations and I.T. work to support engineering, development and eventually developer relations. I was interviewing, working on personal projects and applying for anything remote. I started teaching remotely and brushing up/learning new tech. I felt alive for the first time in years. Imagine being away from a career that really fulfilled you and coming back a decade later. So much to learn!
Fast forward a year into self imposed quarantine and I found myself struggling to do anything other than base functions. I lost 15 lbs from starvation and poor eating habits. My sleep schedule slipped into disarray. I stopped working on side projects and non essential (non work) learning. I had been treading water for months. If my twitter feed was any indication a lot of people in tech were having similar issues dealing with extended brain fog and the spectre of productivity constantly looming over us. It seemed like the entire workforce was in flux as people discovered they have People in flux if they wanted to stay in the industry or with their current organization. Did someone at my big age have a chance to break into industry with so many more experienced devs in the job market?
However due to therapy my outlook has changed for the better. I’ve been feeling the itch to learn new things and pursue new opportunities. My sleep schedule got back to normal. I’ve been staying hydrated and bought my first bicycle in over a decade so I can start getting some exercise. Therapy has helped me put things into perspective and not feel so anxious about the uncertainty that exists in the world. Being less anxious about the unknown empowered me to take actionable steps to resolve what I can in my life. I finally have insurance! I’m applying for fulltime development work again! I began taking online courses! After succumbing to imposter syndrome for almost two years I have a fire lit under me that is less fueled by survival but driven by aspiration.